My Life Plan (per Lyn)

So, one day when I had nothing much to do, Lyn was thinking about her life plan, and I eagerly agreed to write it for her, as that is just the kind of thing I love. I made her a beautiful life, complete with living in Europe and being a travel writer, and having a curly headed little daughter and an architect husband. However, my imagination drove me to have her husband tragically die by falling from the top of one of the buildings he had designed. After she had groused about me killing her husband off after only six years, (what can I say, I wasn’t watching the dates very closely!) she decided to get me back by writing a life plan for me. So here it is, with a few minor edits. Now you know just what to expect out of me for the rest of my life.

 

2016 Spend year getting people married off…and investing money to support life plan. Daydream about the day you kick Lyn out and have two rooms overlooking the square, and think of all the possibilities, including stalking Jacob with a spyglass. [Terrible idea, Lyn.]

2017 Bid tearful goodbye to Lyn but dry tears immediately to begin knocking out wall between bedroom and sitting room. Work at night to keep Vicki [the lady down below] and husband from getting suspicious. Plant flower bed full (also at night) of tomatoes, cucumbers, mint and peppers. Begin corresponding with @iluvNYC [Seriously? He can’t even spell “love”!] clandestinely to chat about mutual desires to live in NYC.

2018 Plan trip to Spain, Switzerland, Italy, France, England, Ireland, Germany and Austria with Tricia. Finish out rooms in the front as one huge closet containing clothes to sell on eBay. Landlord still does not suspect. Begin working 3 days a week at Carefree while spending the other two days shopping, sleeping in until 9 o’clock, and eating croissants/drinking espresso . Begin to like running, develop runner’s calves.

2019 Take off three months to take an extended tour of Europe with Tricia. Dine with Lyn and architect in the L’atelier De Joel Robuchon in Paris. Meet a Parisian businessman-friend of theirs who frequently travels to the US to oversee corporate offices in NYC. Receive job offer from him as personal secretary.

2020 Accept job offer. Pack up 3 cats, [general public, please be informed that I am not a cat lady] 20,000 books, a suitcase or two, sell off eBay closet entirely due to lack of space in Manhattan, and make the move. Cry with loneliness. Make friends with the engineer hired on the Tower 3 project and discover that he is a coffee snob. Visit all the snobberies in the city.

2021 Establish new blog. Marry the engineer @iluvNYC and join forces with his dog, Harvey, and move into an apartment with a view of the Hudson after a charming NYC library wedding. Frequently hang out with Abby and her husband, who have started a ministry to the homeless in the Bronx. Become sponsor of Abby’s new project rescuing trafficked kids.

2022 Get pregnant with honeymoon baby. Discover it’s twins. [Honeymoon twins? Do you hate me or something?] Meet with Cup of Jo weekly to keep grounded on the ways of mothering in NYC. Travel to North Carolina for Philip’s wedding and introduce all the people to le husband and baby bump.

2023 Have babies. Cry more than usual. Discover kids are the single most frustrating and rewarding thing you could do. Consume vats of coffee.

2024 Begin to write children’s books. Become celebrated authoress.

2025 Buy house in upstate NY where the summers are never hot, the winters beautifully frosted, and additionally design book nooks all throughout house; one for each family member. Enjoy summers on the lake. Travel to Spain every winter for several months and keep pet elephant along with Harvey, the 3 cats, the twins, and 20,000 books. Live in NYC every fall.

2026 Apocalypse [She said she couldn’t think of any other way to end it. 😀 ]

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10 thoughts on “My Life Plan (per Lyn)

  1. I really like your blog and would love to see you all again! I’ll make you coffee if you come visit me!:) Miriam Amaya used to be Miller

    Like

  2. I feel saddened that I am not mentioned at all in this plan. Will I never see you again? Am I chopped liver to you? *indignant snort*
    Also, this whole thing makes me laugh so much!!!
    -Mia

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    1. Oh honey, there are many other people involved in this life plan, at least I surely hope so! And no, you are most certainly not chopped liver, or liverwurst, but rather, a beef brisket of the finest order.

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