It’s actually here (!) and it couldn’t be more perfectly announced. Outside my window a gray drizzle is falling slowly, coating the leaves with a silvery shine. It’s like autumn’s equivalent of snow, and very nearly as romantic, in my opinion. Inside, my room smells of spices and oils, and a big cuppa mint tea is calling my name. I can’t wait to dig out my flannels and boots and cozy sweaters. Ah yes, fall has truly arrived, not only by my wishful thinking, but actually by the calendar, and my soul can breathe deeply.
Ah, the side hug. First off, who invented this thing? As a tall girl living in a short, side huggy world, I have a score to settle with that person.
Truth be told, sometimes side hugs are inevitable, due to expectations or culture or other people’s preferences. And most of the time they work great, when the huggers have normal heights. But then there are those times when a shortish sort of guy is greeting a towering sort of girl, and let me just tell you, things can get awkward super fast. Maybe short people don’t notice these things, but if you are a tall girl, you are probably nodding by now and maybe even blushing at the memory of a particularly bad hug. For those instances when you are faced with a situation where an awkward side hug is coming up and you can’t hastily retreat to the bathroom or your car, I have drawn up a helpful guide. This is mostly directed towards guys who are, um, less-tall, for the purpose of eliminating all that awkwardness, although some tall girls probably need to read this too.
First. Generally the guy’s arm goes around the girl’s shoulder, right? It’s kind of protective and sweet, and works well when the guy is tall, or even when the guy is short and the girl is less akin to a giraffe than, ahem, me. HOWEVER! If the girl is tall and you awkwardly bend your arm to go over her shoulder while she scrunches down to try to fit, sweetness and friendship are not what are on her mind. Rather, it’s something more like, “Gaahhh, when will this end??”
“What am I to do?” you may ask in despair, thinking of all the hugs you’ve given to tall girls. “Must I resign myself to even more awkward waves across the room as I dash out the door?” Not at all!
When going in for the hug, simply place your hand on the girl’s back, with your arm crossing hers as shown below, instead of over her shoulder. If the girl has any clue how to receive hugs, it’ll all work out. (If she hasn’t, I take no responsibility for her.) And…bam. Problem solved. Now her shoulder isn’t awkwardly tucked under yours, with her back making an impossible S, and you don’t have to visit the chiropractor after the hug to put your shoulder back in place.
Bonus tip. If you’re still afraid, and break into a cold sweat whenever bidding a tall girl farewell, simply wait till she is seated, and there ya go.
Disclaimer: I DO love hugs. Even side hugs. And many people give awesome hugs. Even short people. Hopefully after this post goes viral (cough), even more people will give awesome hugs! 😀
Go to the Dollar Tree. This is very necessary, for obvious reasons.
Buy some of the less plastic looking bunches of leaves, leaf garlands, and some spicy candles for good measure.
Go home and paw through the stuff you already own. Pull out things like old books, those wooden candle holders you know you have stashed somewhere, and other things that look somewhat autumnish. Maybe collect a few sticks or berries outside as well, if you live in the country.
Throw the leafy things and candles you just bought, your old books and candle holders, and the sticks around the room, aiming for the emptier spots on your shelves. However they land is great, since we all know asymmetry is very necessary for pleasing visuals. Smile and tell yourself what a great job you’ve done. Consider starting a home decor blog.
You know those friends you have whose homes always look like Pottery Barn and Pintrest and IKEA catalogues? Don’t invite any of them over for the remainder of the autumn season. Note: This step is very important for peace of mind. Also, for maintaining your opinion of your awesome decorating skills, don’t visit your classy friends at their homes either.
Bonus step (Not pictured): Dimming the lights does wonders for making all those plastic things look less fake. This is where those candles you bought come in handy. Now grab one of your books, sit on your blue couch with a fluffy blanket and a cuppa tea, and enjoy the view.
Confession: Some of the things purchased may have been bought at more expensive places than the Dollar Tree, such as (gasp) thrift stores or yard sales.